Well, Baby HutchLife turned 1 and man, we can’t believe a year has gone by so fast. Everyone tells you time flies when you’re a parent but sheesh!!! SLOW DOWN!!! As Mr. HutchLife says it’s like time is flying by because you’re watching your child go from tummy time, to crawling, to walking all in a short span and it’s like just a month or two ago you couldn’t do that. Baby HL is teaching me so much about myself and helping me learn how to be a better person. What have I learned about being a mama to our beautiful baby girl?
I have learned to give myself grace. It’s so easy to get caught up in what you think a mom should do each and every second of each and every day and when you don’t get it done, you think you’re failing. Well, not only have you birthed a human being, your body is recovering from being pregnant, it’s full of hormones that are trying to figure themselves out and you’re often tired from feeding your baby, trying to sleep, trying to eat, trying to keep a home clean, and be a be a wife (if you are one), work (if you are not able to get time off), and sometimes host (if you have people visiting you early on after baby is born). It is ok to let things fall by the wayside as long as you are ok and your baby is ok.
Many people will have something to say about your size. Whether it’s Baby #1, #2 or #3 people will always have something to say about the size of your belly and many times it’s ignorant. Who are you to tell me my belly is big/huge? I’m carrying another human being and EVERYONE carries differently. If you’re carrying your second your body remembers what it is to be pregnant and you pop sooner. Why do you need to comment on the size of my belly? What my body looks like? If you have nothing nice to say, DON’T SAY ANYTHING. This is one of my the things that irks me. Sometimes it’s worth it to say something and sometimes it’s not. You choose how you want to deal with people in a way that fits your personality.
Bouncing back – why? Your body changed not just on the outside as your stomach grew but on the inside too – all of your organs shifted with your growing baby. Why would it be expected that after 40 weeks of your body changing that it would go right back to how it was before the baby was born? Why would you expect it to? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t put that pressure on yourself. Your body still has a uterus that has to shrink back to the size it was pre-baby, your blood volume has to decrease slowly, the water weight has to drop off, your stomach expanded and will take time to contract, give it time. As I said, be gracious with yourself and let your body do what it does, miraculous things. Your body is your testimony that it was able to carry a baby.
Breastfeeding is not easy for everyone. I didn’t realize how challenging breastfeeding could be because I wasn’t aware that I could have issues with it from PCOS. The first 3 months were brutal to me. I thought I wasn’t doing it right, I thought I was starving my baby, and I thought something was wrong with me. It wasn’t. Even mom’s that are able to breastfeed for 24 months and more don’t have it easy when you start because it’s something you’ve never done before. It takes time to learn how to adjust to a baby wanting food and for your body to produce milk. I had to take tons of supplements, Mother’s Milk Tea, MothersLove More Milk Plus, Reglan (doctor’s prescription) and still I had issues producing milk. For this reason I was told to give Baby HL formula from the get go. For the first 3 months of her life she alternated between formula and breastmilk. Earlier I said give yourself grace and I did. I was patient with myself as I tried to figure out breastfeeding and during those 3 months I kept trying, went to a lactation specialist and finally we figured it out and my body produced the milk Baby HL needed. I was able to breastfeed for 8 months before Baby HL started to bite me and my body stopped producing milk. I am SO THANKFUL that I was able to do it for those 8 months that were great bonding time for me and the baby.
You learn to function on little sleep but sleep is still important. Yes, it is true that you get very little sleep when the baby is first born. One of the things the lactation specialist shared with me, which was different from the pediatrician we had was to let Baby HL sleep longer than we were letting her. The pediatrician told us to wake her up every 2 hours. The lactation specialist told us every 4. This made a huge difference for me. In making sure I got sleep and hit the REM cycle I was better able to function and take care of the baby and be a better me and a better mom. Get your sleep.
Get help if you need it and don’t be afraid to ask for it. Mr. HutchLife and I were in Michigan when Baby HutchLife was born and we are SO VERY THANKFUL for the support system we had while there. Church family, friends and others brought us food and baby items which was very much appreciated especially in those first few weeks after Baby HL was born. Mr. HutchLife was so helpful to me. For the first 4 weeks of her life he was home and made sure that I took a bath everyday. Yes, it is easy to forget to do that and he was intentional about making sure I took some time to myself and made sure I ate and drank water – boy will your body need it. When people asked if we needed anything and we did, we said yes and told them, whether it was food, water, just some company, without shame. They offered because they want to help, let them.
Truly embrace and be in the moment. Now that Baby HL is 1 year I look back at all the pictures and videos that I have on my phone – thousands upon thousands – and I see that I enjoyed every moment. Every diaper blowout, every smile, every cry, every milestone is special. Being in the moment are the things you will remember, not what the baby is wearing or what happened on TV or entertainment. These are truly moments you will never get back so just sit in them and enjoy.
Don’t rush the baby. One of the things that annoyed me the most was people suggesting to me when Baby HL would do this or do that or should do this or do that milestone or have a specific ability. Each and every baby is different and a baby is a baby only once. So we let Baby HL move at her own pace. We would encourage her but let her do it on her own time. Lifting her head, we put her down for tummy time. When she was tire we picked her and would then put her back later to build her endurance. With crawling there were activities we did through the Baby Sparks app that take a total of maybe 10 mins. We let her figure it out. With sitting up we didn’t rush her or try to move her to do it too quickly. WIth walking it was the same. We tried to get to her to walk when we thought she should, she was like Nah, I’m good and would sit down. When we left her alone she would get up and use her walker herself. Letting her figure out her independence has helped her thrive and become this bubbling personality and confident person that we are adoring watch grow.
Boundaries are important. Most times people say things in ignorance, especially when it comes to moms and their bodies. As I said earlier, it can be annoying. Set clear boundaries and let people know when they’ve crossed them. “Do this for the baby, don’t hold the baby this way,” “When I had my baby I did xyz,” “You’re doing this wrong,” “Now that you have one when are you going to have another one?” “You look tired” REALLY? I wonder why? “Breast is best” – what if you have trouble breastfeeding? For your peace have clear boundaries. Henry Cloud says it best here – “We can’t manipulate people into swallowing our boundaries by sugarcoating them. Boundaries are a “litmus test” for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can’t respect our boundaries are telling us that they don’t love our nos. They only love our yeses, our compliance. “I only like it when you do what I want.”
Include your husband/significant other. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that your husband is part of this process too. It is important to make sure they are included often whether that be – chest to chest time with the baby, having them feed the baby the bottle, change the diapers, bathe the baby. Mr. HutchLife, thank God for him, has been involved every step of the way and is an AMAZING father. The bond that he and Baby HL have fills my heart with so much joy. I love watching them play together, at bath time, dancing, him feeding her, their daddy daughter time, it’s what I prayed for. Along with that I was intentional about just finding time to cuddle with Mr. HutchLife and just having moments together where we could talk, lay in silence, nap together and dream about our future. Be as intentional with your significant other as you are with the baby and yourself.
There are so many more things I’ve learned but that would be too long a post. What have you moms and dads learned as you parent?
