I’m doing a bible study on Elijah by Priscilla Shirer and one of the questions she asks is, “If you were to make an unreasonable, unthinkable prayer today, what do you think it would be?” After reading that my first instinct was to not think about it. It scared me to think about what I deep in my heart wanted because I didn’t think I deserved it. My mind couldn’t fathom actually having it. I was boxing God in. I could see myself having some things but not all the things. And it got me asking myself why? I do these Priscilla Shirer bible studies with one of my closest friends, my framily, and she shared what I was thinking about – Imposter Syndrome.
Imposter Syndrome is basically doubting your abilities. And I was. I’ve shared what God called me to do and it’s a lot. Actually extremely overwhelming to me. I’m doing it scared but still wondering about it. I know I’m not the best at this, but I feel called. I’m doing it, and doing it scared. But the fear in me is saying, who’s actually going to read your blog? Who’s going to buy this merch? Who’s going to listen to this podcast? Who will actually want to be on the podcast? Who is going to buy this planner? And I wonder is it worth it to put in this time, effort, hours. It is. But I doubt myself. And when I read her question I knew that I was relying on myself in that moment. So I wrote down the prayer requests and said them outloud.
Do you know when I did that, I cried. The fear in me of verbalizing what God placed in my heart and my dreams about what I pray it will be, will become choked me up. Because for me, it’s not about me. It’s about being able to share so that anyone who wants to get out of debt, anyone who doesn’t know where to start, anyone who wants to create a legacy has a framework to start. It sounds simple but for many people, it’s really not when you have to work multiple jobs to make ends meet, are exhausted at the end of your day, the dollar only stretches so far, the amount of money you have to pay back weighs you down. There is hope. I’m a living testimony of that. We’re a living testimony of that and that’s why we share on The HutchLife.
Our journey didn’t stop at becoming debt free. It began. And we are on a path that is audacious when I think about our goals. The funny thing is as I write this, the goals we have set have never overwhelmed me or scared me because I could plan it out. I could see how it all adds up. I realize the overwhelming feeling, the fear is because I know I can’t plan this out. God is in control and I don’t know where this is headed. That’s where my fear lies. The thing is, surrender to God shouldn’t be filled with fear right? It should be peace because He is the only one who can carry this. I know I can’t. So as I sit here on my bed and thank God for having me type this out right now a huge weight is falling off of me. And a line from the bible study is coming back to me that describes Elijah carrying the widow of Zarephath’s son that says, “…he was literally carrying the problem to the Lord…no denial…no sugarcoating…no time for pious rituals or platitudes, but simply for going all-in with the One who alone, and no other, could infuse life giving power…”
I have to carry this to the Lord and bare it all. I did. And it is truly freeing.
What are your unreasonable, unthinkable prayer requests? Do you feel imposter syndrome sometimes? What is that dream you don’t want to say out loud? What has God placed on your heart?
